Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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