Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
