she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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