matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
