she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
