Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
