if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
