Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
