Tell her she can't have a vagina
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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