you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
