its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
