new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
