She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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