Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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