check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
