So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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