I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
