Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
