I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
