Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
