handjob tips. give me some.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
