Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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