____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
