oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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