ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
