Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
