I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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