he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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