I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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