I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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