Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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