Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
