Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
