if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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