the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
