I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
