I'm lost and stupid without you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
