problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
