I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
