I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
