i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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