And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Less talking, more tequila
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
