Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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