I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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