Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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