real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
