Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
