I think I died a long time ago.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
