Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
