FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
